I’ve been musing on my blog ‘focus’ – you know, wordpress tells me that this is a good thing to have, it’ll attract readers, lah dee dah….
But I need focus, even if this blog serves as an online processing exercise. Certainly I need focus to avoid this blog’s becoming an online venting spot.
I’d love to write about sustainability, or faith and reason, or beauty, or some other thing I’m passionate about. I’d love to just post photos with comments, for goodness sakes!
But I’m quickly realizing that none of these things really falls under the umbrella of my current vocation.
I can’t write beautiful little posts about all the squash I’m harvesting and how I’m turning the said squash into squash soup and squash bars and other such delicious items. I can’t post photos about the beautiful green of my many batches of recently frozen pesto. I can hardly share my favorite bread recipes.
To my consternation, I live in a dorm room and eat two meals a day from the cafeteria. Those things will have to wait for later.
This pattern keeps going. Crafts? I love ’em… but there’s no money for craft supplies and no time to blog cute little tutorials.
Something deep? Hrm. I’m an undergrad. I’m in the process of figuring out all those things that I think. And honestly, after writing how many papers and taking how many tests, do I really want this to be a “serious” intellectual exercise?
But all these things that are keeping me back from sharing about my “real” loves (it’s debatable, whether or not they are) – they’re aspects of studenthood.
Which I also love.
I love things making sense.
I love engaging lectures.
I love being stretched.
I love professors.
I love research, and especially libraries.
I love knowing that it’s a part of my vocation.
I love collaboration.
I love vibrant intellectual climates.
I love the wit of wisdom.
I love helping other students.
I love finishing a book.
I love mapping out and analyzing arguments.
I also wish it were less hard.
I wish I could master it more quickly.:
I wish it didn’t come with (some) bad grades. : )
I wish it didn’t involve humiliation. (i.e. I really wish that I could always say the right things in class).
I wish it would allow for more family time.
I wish I could live in my own house.
I wish I had no fears as to my suitability for it.
So there it is.
Studenthood. I’m excited to share it with you – I’ll be following its path for a long, long time.